An Ion Story

This was an old assignment for a Chemistry class I took in high school (Sophomore year).
We were instructed to write up a story which included a list of common ions into it somehow. 
This is sort of a palette cleanser before next week's post! 
Estimated Read Time: 4 minutes

“An Ion Story”

It started as an average day. The birds were chirping, and the sun was shining. I remember it rather distinctly. I had a multitude of tasks to tend to. I had to order some more pyrite for my crystal radio. I also needed to go to the store and purchase more salt as the supply was dangerously low. The plans for my research project were etched on the blackboard with chalk. A few weeks prior, I had gone to the edges of a dormant volcano and collected some brimstone and volcanic rock. It was an interesting ordeal. I took the bleach from the cabinet and drove out the mold and mildew from my house. Before I left for the lab, I used my new saltpeter fertilizer on the garden. Everything seemed to be working exceptionally. The advent of Spring had brought forth a pleasant odor, similar to that of marsh gas. A few months back a dentist had told me that the laughing gas would make every part of my body feel relaxed, and maybe nauseous and lightheaded.

Boy, was he right. The gas had such a great effect on the sensory systems that I had to conduct further examination on it. On my way to work, I grabbed a coffee and put 10 packets of sugar in it. Not that I was going to drink it of course. The lady at the counter looked at me funny as I poured the white powder into the drink. The wind was brisk when I stepped out again. I passed the remains of a museum that once contained asbestos. Before it was demolished, there was an addition that was home to a bunch of these limestone sculptures. I had been there a couple of times myself. To be honest, those sculptures of people with stone cold eyes freaked me out. However, it was the angel statues that got to me. They had a bitter eeriness about them. Some were frozen in the midst of a lunge towards the viewer. The front entrance of the lab was a pain. It took too much effort and security measures to get from floor to floor. It was a necessary precaution nonetheless. I got to the room after what seemed like hours. Since I was one of the newer scientists, I had one of those crumby rooms with a gypsum ceiling that was poorly designed.

I was wallowing in my own thoughts as I traced patterns on the ceiling when my lab partner decided to show up. Boy, was he slow. He was so painstaking and meticulous that if he was mowing the lawn, I bet he would have cut every blade of grass with some scissors and measuring tape. Despite the fact that both of us were new, I had more experience. I had worked there for about a year, while he joined 2 weeks ago. He asked me if I was able to pick up a coffee for him. I lazily dragged my finger up to point to the rickety wooden table that needed more duct tape. The coffee cup stood alone in the center in the midst of a room from the 1800s. It was fun to watch him lift the cup to his lips as he was so gullible. A smile crept up the corners of my lip in anticipation of his reaction.

However, an alarm blared and deprived me of the joke I had perfectly set up. “Dam drills” I muttered to myself as we headed out of the room for the meeting hall. Before we entered the room we had to cleanse our hands with hand sanitizer. As I messed around with the bottle, I looked at its ingredients: Grain Alcohol (ethyl alcohol), glycerin, and a whole slew of other chemicals. I sat in an hour-long meeting discussing lab safety procedures. I glanced at my partner, Jacob, I think his name was, or Jack, anyway, he was listening intently, and you wouldn’t believe what he was doing. He was taking notes! A part of me pitied him, what a waste! Anyhow, after the meeting, I left for home and watched t.v. all night. After a while, I turned it off because there are too many fascinating shows for me to watch. One channel talked about the history of the paper clip, while another discussed the exciting accomplishments of these people who led such captivating lives. I drank a lot of alcohol and arose to my old friend headache the next morning. I popped an aspirin in my mouth and slept for the next 5 hours. I couldn’t have been more depressed. Life had become a monotonous buzz droning on indefinitely.

 


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